You Shall Be Holy

◌ Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (1895 - 1986), an expert on Torah, was asked why he was so revered. He responded, "All my life I never knowingly caused hurt to another human being."

Reading this, it deeply grieves me: I have been his opposite. As a very young child, I strove to entertain, in order to make those around me happy, so that there would be peace for me. It was a selfish motive, and as I grew older, when it no longer worked, I hated G-d for that, turning against Him.

At the age of 14, realizing that this choice did not work either, I wanted an alliance with G-d. I turned to HaShem, asking for forgiveness, desiring repentance, but I had been taught to worship a false god -- the church I was in.

Purposeful worship of a false god prevents the Teacher, the H Spirit of HaShem, from teaching -- from instilling empathy, ethics, and love in the individual (Deut 12:31; 23:18 - 19; Lev 21:5; Amos 1 & 2). Fortunately, HaShem placed people in my life who taught me important lessons the church was not teaching. In chronological order: Joey S., my first boyfriend; Ethel Johnson; Pat, my first husband; my daughter; my son; Bryant Avenue Baptist School; My present husband; Tim H.; my shul; Katy L.; Tony J.; Mary H.; Heather P.; Carol S.; and Pamela B. -- and throughout all this, one person from the old church, Denise W. Each one of these had their specific lesson to teach me, and some taught me many things. Those still living continue to teach me. They were ordained for me by the H Spirit.

Two years ago (or more) I was stunned by the personal knowledge of how mean, demanding, obstinate, cruel, and belligerent I was. Since then, I have applied myself to repentance. It has not been easy to face myself in order to acknowledge these things and change, but He is changing me.

This blog chronicles the things I want to change in my 60th year, my study of biblical ethics, realized changes, and my failures.

G-d says, "You shall be holy." I want to be holy.