I have learned that I can't prevail over myself in way too many areas. But at the same time, I have learned that through my G-d, He can! However, I cannot just pray and do nothing! Like Timothy, I must study to show myself approved, and He has given me all the words I need in His Book, as well as provided me with people who love Him and are willing to come along-side me to guide me toward what is right. Thank G-d!
◌ "One who controls his passion is better than one who conquers a city" Proverbs 16:22.
Following this, Telushkin writes a series of questions that the reader is to answer. I will type them here and answer them for myself. Confession is good for the soul!
Am I prone to anger? When I am angry, do I overreact and say or do things that inflict pain on others? Or am I the sort of person who, if asked, will deny that I am angry, yet will treat other people with coldness, disdain, and annoyance?
No, I don't have an anger issue; it takes a long, long time for me to reach anger. (My daughter says I am too forgiving.) However, I know that when that "long, long time" finally arrives, I make those adults disappear through ignoring them, not looking at them, avoiding them.
Do I judge others fairly, or am I harshly critical (both in what I say and what I think)?
I believe I do judge fairly. I try to.
Am I stingy with my money or my time?
Yes, I can be stingy with both money and time. While I know that I sometimes do not know how to say "no" when I should, I also know that I should be more generous.
Do I speak curtly, making people feel that I have no time for them? (This is unkind, even when we are busy.)
Yes. I have been working on this, learning.
Do I avoid saying or doing what I believe is right because I fear how others will react or what they will think of me? (The question we should ask ourselves is not What will others think? but What does G-d want me to do?)
No.
Am I moody? Do I make people around me feel that they are somehow responsible for my moods? Does my unhappiness affect the atmosphere in my home, transforming, often in a matter of minutes, a general feeling of pleasantness and goodwill into one of tension and sadness? (Taking away the good mood of those around us an lowering their spirits is a cruel, even if unintentional, act of aggression.)
No.
Do I treat strangers with more consideration than members of my own family?
No, but I recognize that my consideration of my family is very skewed. I believe that the more I leave them alone, the better it is for them. I feel like such a bother, such a pain. While they have told me that these things are not true, this is what I believe. I believe it to the deepest place of my being, and this also spills over to other family members and to those friends I love the most
Do I take other people’s kind behavior for granted, or do I go out of my way to express thanks and help those who have been kind to me?
I think I do at times. Maybe. But I am a thankful person most of the time.
Do I blame my wrongful actions and mistakes on others, or do I take responsibility for the wrong I do?
No. But I have learned not to. I used to be a "blamer" regarding certain things, but G-d called my attention to that a couple years ago.
Do I jump to conclusions and blame other people before I know the facts?
Yes, I do. I need desperately to work on this and have been.
Am I able to control my impulses, or do I give in to temptation easily?
I am able to control most of my impulses. G-d is good!
Do I bear grudges and remain angry at others for a long time after an argument?
No.
Am I tardy, and thereby waste other people’s time by keeping them waiting?
No. I may be aggravating because I am early, however.
Do I rationalize dishonesty with such excuses as "Business is different"?
No.
When I hear of other people's suffering or misfortune, do I find ways to help them, or do I feel sadness in my heart but do nothing?
I need to work on this. A lot. I tend to do nothing. I fear doing/saying the wrong thing, getting in the way, being a bother. I should have learned long ago that these are not true.
Am I jealous of the success of others? Do I begrudge others their good fortune?
No.
Telushkin says that once you have drawn up your list, do not become discouraged even if you find that you have many weaknesses. Drawing up a list is the first most important step in changing your character for the better.
He advices to work on improving one quality at a time. If you try to work on several areas at once, you may become overwhelmed and give up.
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