Thoughts About Death and Judgment

◌ "The one occasion on which people generally appreciate that the highest priority is goodness is the funeral . . . . What matters most . . . is the legacy of goodness that we leave behind. Were we loyal friends and fair employers? Did we extend ourselves when others needed help? Were we loving and kind to our spouse? Did we leave our children with a feeling of being loved and appreciated? Did we inspire them to want to do good?" [Telushkin]

Telushkin brings up Green Bay Packers football coach Vince Lombardi and his life's mission, regarding how he dealt with the game. His mission statement was "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." However, in life, Rabbi Shimon Finkelman responded, "Winning isn't everything, doing what is right is everything."

Returning to an earlier passage in Telushkin's book (see my first post for the name ans USB), I thought of writing two obituaries for myself then: one telling reality and one of what should have been. This thought was based upon what Telushkin said a friend does.

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On that note, last night, my husband and I hosted a man who represents a local funeral home. We are checking buying a plot there and getting a funeral plan through them. He brought what was likely the usual stuff -- a book for each of us to plan things out and leave in a sealed plastic bag in the refrigerator - the place he said would be the first medical personnel would look for meds, should they be called to our home, and the place that does not burn in a fire.

Plan things out -- things like our last words, what should be on our headstone, and even a place to write our own obituaries. Well, I have my very seriouos side, but as you may have noticed, I have my extremely unserious side! I would love to leave an obituary that would make people laugh! (Dare I?!)

But at the same time, I would like to write one that praises HaShem for His grace and mercy that has brought me to this place!

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Common American New Year's activities are all about partying; Rosh HaShannah is a serious, introspective holy day -- one to make us think. Telushkin has a friend who writes a new obituary for himself every New Year (Rosh HaShannah). One obituary declares what his life has truly been like up to that point; the other obituary tells what his life could have been like, had he done things differently. I think this is a great practice, and I intend to start doing it.

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◌ "In justice you shall judge your fellow."
◌ The NASB says, "You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor nor defer to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly" [Leviticus 19:15].

◌ Telushkin writes that "throughout the day, almost all of us make judgments about others, many of which are harsh and unfair." The store clerk, a child, a teen, another driver, a sibling, a religious leader. And sometimes, that judgment spills over in our minds to include whole groups of similar persons -- all clerks, all teens, all from an ethnic or racial group. Telushkin writes, "this verse obligates us to judge righteously, which means to be fair" [p 70].

So we can smile, nod, and say, "Of course. This one is simple."

Is it?

Recently, after a longer-than-usual tedious Friday, my thoughts were on getting home and starting Sabbath, which to me means worship, study, and rest. Of course, I still needed to go to the grocery store to get the goodies for our evening meal that starts the Shabbat. I usually do this alone, but my husband volunteered to go with me (the sweetheart!).

We went to the counter at which customers check themselves out, and as soon as I put my last item on the scanner, a man came up and put his things on the counter, crowding in. I had not yet even run my debit card or bagged those few off-items needing special treatment.

I was irritated. He was so near, that he would be able to see my ID code as I put it in the register! Nervously, I shielded myself as best I could from him and put the numbers in -- the wrong numbers for the debit card I had chosen to use! So, of course, it stalled the check-out process.

My husband chuckled. That really irritated me. Saying nothing, I input the correct number, finished bagging, and left the area.

"G-d, help my attitude! I feel crabby now, and I don't mean to be. Help me!"

Now, I am the type that just doesn't say much when irritated, but this time, I decided to ask my husband why he chuckled when I put in the wrong number. "It wasn't you -- it was the guy crowding you. What you did not see was that he ended up having to wait because he was so persistent at crowding in on you that he lost his place in line, so the next people got to another checkout before him. He was not happy."

(Wow. All this pettiness. This is both hard and embarrassing to admit, but it is the truth, and I said I would tell of what I learn along with the things I fail in!)

I judged the man, and I wrongly judged my husband. Was I wrong in my judgment of the man? Maybe so, maybe not. Did I react toward the man? Well, no, but I wanted to! But I did decide on a plan for the next time someone crowds in while I am trying to input my private debit number.